(Blumler & Katz, 1974). Findings showed that
youth always (five to seven days per week) use social media to share
information including personal information. Muhammad Muhsin Ahmad Zahari (2012, as
cited in Rosmah Dain, 2012) claimed that youth in Malaysia use the social media
sites to share their problems and most of them are inclined towards negative
things.
Othman (2011) shows
that youth is the heaviest user of the Internet and this is due to the existing
social media sites. This is further supported by (Hui, 2010) that 83% from all
Facebook users in Malaysia are the youth. Studies in Malaysia show that
Malaysian youth primarily share thoughts and feelings through social media
sites. Moreover, youth use social media site because it also represents freedom
(Ali et al., 2010; Latiffah et al., 2009; Levi & Samsudin, 2010).
Youth consist of
40% of the overall Malaysian population (Economic Planning Unit, 2010). Thus,
it shows that youth is the most significant age group in Malaysia. Youth is the
future of a country. When youth of Malaysia
come into contact with these negatively-oriented information, they might be affected
mentally and the healthy-mind makeup of them might be influenced by the
negative information.
Government of
Malaysia has been taking actions against these online negatively-oriented
information (ex. Rumors, scandals, nude
photo cases…), especially on social medias, by sensoring the sites that
are flooded with negatively-oriented information or spreading groups and taking
charge of people who spread these. However, this did not seem to be effective
as the social media that are commonly and frequently used to spread the
negatively-oriented information are the sites that taking a great part of
people lives, for example, Facebook and Twitter. Sensoring these sites becomes
impossible as it will induce a great rebound from the public. The only solution
the government can resort to is shutting down spreading groups and catching
people who initiated it, but there are always new upcoming groups and people
which turns the government’s solution into useless and just wasting its effort.
Ministry of
Education Malaysia can contribute its role in solving this phenomena. As the
ones that share and the ones that are affected are the youth, it is obviously
that youth is our only and main target in this case. Educating from the root,
prophylaxis before anything happens will be the more appropriate and effective
way. Context about teaching what are the suitable and appropriate things should
be shared to the public, how should they make use of social media wisely (ex. Sharing
academic links) and how should they view and filter the information available
online before they absorb should be added into the textbook or tutorials in
school. Campaigns concerning these should be held to raise awareness among
youth too.
Tit-for-tat, as the
negatively-oriented information mainly floods the social media, so the most
effective way to encounter it is to post information about how negatively-oriented information will affect our mind and
mental growth, and how a make-up of a future adult will be affected on social
media too. Youth might ignore or distracted, or not paying attention when these
information being given in school lessons or tutorials or campaigns, but they
will never give up on social media. Youth tend to pay more attention to things posted on social
media therefore posting the information on social media will be a better trick
to convey the messages to the youths.
In conclusion, youth are the future make-up of a
country and anything that might affect youth negatively should never be
neglected as they that might cause damage to a country’s future construct. Authorities
should examine the solutions being currently used and come out with the most
effective solutions, there should not be any marking time. “The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you
are not going to stay where you are.--J.P. Morgan”
(642
words)
I think that you addressed precisely why youth is a concern for the government to consider implementing a measure. The affected group is very precise and the agent who should take action is also precisely addressed in your essay(government and MOE). The problem you identified is quite precise, but I think you can elaborate more on how negatively-oriented information will affect the youth. Also, you can try to elaborate more details about how the government exert its censorship to the social media of the youth. The flow of the essay is good.
ReplyDeleteSome grammar errors I found:
... new upcoming groups and people which turns the --> ... people "who" turns...
... this phenomena --> this "phenomenon"
... how should they make use of --> how they should make use of...
Youth might ignore or distracted, or not paying attention --> Youth may ignoring, being distracted or not paying attention...
You can pay more attention to your use of the words youth and youths, since one is singular the other is plural, I found some errors of the subject-verb agreement following youth or youths.
Also, maybe you can consider replacing some of the "youth" in your essay, some words you can use are juvenile, teenager, minor...etc to make less repetition.
(Blumler & Katz, 1974). Findings showed --> Findings (Blumler & Katz, 1974) showed that...
OR According to Blumler & Katz (1974)...
This is further supported by (Hui, 2010) that 83% --> ... by Hui (2010) that...
Try to avoid brackets when you want to add in information. You can add information by using commas, or adding a sentence.
"The first step toward... --J.P. Morgan" --> "The first step toward....are" -- J.P. Morgan
You missed out your reference list. The word font is inconsistent throughout the essay.
Hope to see improvements in your next draft. Sorry for the delay of commenting and posting.
*** Youth may be ignoring, being distracted or not paying attention...
ReplyDeleteThank you Cindy!
ReplyDeleteI will work more on
1.how the negatively-oriented information may affect youth
2.how can the government proceed the censorship
And thanks for pointing out the grammar mistakes! I always have problems on it
but I really do not know how to use youth or youths.( So I should use youth or youths?)