In the article “The Perlis of
Over-sharing”, Emm (2014) asserts that the precautions should be taken to
prevent personal information from leakage. He explains, users might focus too
much on the Internet’s convenience and neglect the danger of sharing
unnecessary events online. Emm stresses that over-sharing might not only cause
personal consequences, but will also threaten the organization they work for.
The author also states that users might be in low-guard when using mobile
devices as they are not cybercriminals’ preys. In short, users should be
cautious when making use of Internet.
The consequences of over-sharing
asserted by Emm can be divided into personal and non-personal two catogeries.
The personal consequences can be further catogerised into conscious and
unconscious. In “what prying eyes can see” and “mass of information that we
choose to put”, it is clearly shown that Emm agrees that sharing without
filtering and without setting limitation of access, which I would include in
conscious over-sharing, causes every single detail in our daily life exposed to
the public and it might threaten users’ safety as mentioned “ a criminal knows
where you live”.
However, from the example “exposes
the minutiae of our daily lives to those who have ability to gather the
details” shows that even when we are merely using the social media and never
intend to share these information with anyone, the providers are able to get
access to them. “App requests permission to read SMS and MMS messages”, it
always happens when we have to rely on social media to communicate, shopping
online, i-banking or to provide personal details to create an account.
Therefore, the providers that offer convenience to us at the same time are able
to gather our data. In such case, we are unconsciously over-sharing as we are
providing information in order to enjoy the convenience but not to share with
others, it is a must to share for the consumers and it is the providers’
obligation to prevent leakage. In such extend, I do not agree with considering
this as over-sharing’s consequence as these details are provided when they are
promised to be kept confidential. Therefore, it cannot be said that the users
are over-sharing as they are merely providing limited information for accessing
purpose. However, users are at the same time aware that the fact of sharing
personal information with the providers, which contributes to the conscious sharing.
Yet, it still cannot be considered over-sharing, as said before, they are only
sharing certain details for some purpose.
For the non-personal over-sharing, as
users share the events of the company they working in, although one post does
not matter much, but would-be attacker gather all the data from various posts
on various social medias and acquire the important content about particular
company.
Emm also comments on the use of
mobile devices as “a false sense of security when using a mobile device”, he
explains, as we sync our data onto online backup system such as iCloud , there
is a possibility for others to gain access to our information once they
obtained our mobile devices. Emm includes this example in the case of
over-sharing, however, syncing onto these systems is meant to be private and
safe, even the providers have no authority to access, this scenario is because
of losing hardware, a security problem, but not because of sharing over and
unnecessarily online, therefore I do not agree with Emm’s assertion as this
should not be considered as a consequence of over-sharing.
(581 words)
Content:
ReplyDeleteThe thesis is well stated. The main ideas of the articles are well illustrated and explained.
However, we feel that maybe you should include more personal experience and opinions other than elaborating on the author's argument.
You can include more evidence from other sources to support your argument as well.
Maybe you can try to cut down your third paragraph and elaborate more for the second last paragraph instead. You can try to include more personal opinions for second last paragraph.
You can also consider to include a concluding paragraph to sum up your arguments.
Organisation:
Overall, the flow of the reader response is quite smooth, well done.
Language:
We found a few long sentences and grammar mistakes.
1. The consequences of over-sharing asserted by Emm can be divided into personal and non-personal two catogeries. --> The "two" is a bit redundant?
2. ...which I would include in conscious over-sharing, causes every single detail in our daily life exposed to the public and it might threaten users’ safety as mentioned “ a criminal knows where you live”
This sentence is quite long and confusing. Maybe you can try to break it down into a few sentences and try to explain what do you mean by conscious and unconscious sharing.
3. In such extend, I do not agree with considering this as over-sharing’s consequence as these details are provided when they are promised to be kept confidential. --> Maybe you can say "consequence of over-sharing" instead?
Also, Brad mentioned try to avoid "I", "we"... etc.
4. Emm includes this example in the case of over-sharing, however, syncing onto these systems is meant to be private and safe, even the providers have no authority to access, this scenario is because of losing hardware, a security problem, but not because of sharing over and unnecessarily online, therefore I do not agree with Emm’s assertion as this should not be considered as a consequence of over-sharing. -->
This is another long sentence with "however" and "therefore" in one sentence. Again, maybe you can try to make it into a few shorter sentences.
We found that you use a lot of conjunction in your essay, maybe you can try to avoid them in next writing.
You can try to find more sources to support your arguments.
Lastly, you accidentally left out the reference.
Hope you can improve in the next draft:)
You have done a fair job of presenting a summary here, Elaine. You also do a decent job of presenting an expository thesis. What is more problematic is the response. The main problem is language use, which at times makes it difficult for us readers to follow your thoughts. There is also the fact that you have not shown a very strong connection between the original text and your discussion. The fact that you have no in-text citations in this section is a good indicator that your response is not aligned closely with Emm's ideas.
ReplyDeleteHere are some of issues worth noting:
--- ...precautions should be taken to prevent personal information from leakage.
>>> Explain the context of this statement. Which personal information? Where?
--- ...but will also threaten the organization they work for. >>> (Direct quotes need to be set aside in quotations marks!)
--- ...as mentioned “ a criminal knows where you live”. >>> as indicated in the phrase “a criminal knows where you live”.
--- ...the example “exposes the minutiae of our daily lives to those who have ability to gather the details” … >>>
...the fact that, as the author mentions, this “exposes the minutiae of our daily lives to those who have ability to gather the details” (you have to insert these phrases in properly, following the required grammatical pattern)
--- You write: "Therefore, the providers that offer convenience to us at the same time are able to gather our data. In such case, we are…"
>>>
Can you write this without using "we" or "our"?
--- In such extend, = In this manner? to this extent?
--- to many uses of "therefore" in paragraph #3
--- However, users are at the same time aware that the fact of sharing personal information with the providers, which contributes to the conscious sharing.
>>> This is an incomplete sentence. Do you know why?
--- the "media" is already plural….
--- Yet, it still cannot be considered over-sharing, as said before, they are only sharing certain details for some purpose.
>>>
run on sentence
--- Emm also comments on the use of mobile devices as “a false sense of security when using a mobile device”, he explains…
Emm includes this example in the case of over-sharing, however, syncing onto these systems is meant to be private and safe, even the providers have no authority to access, this scenario is because of losing hardware, a security problem, but not because of sharing over and unnecessarily online, therefore I do not agree with Emm’s assertion as this should not be considered as a consequence of over-sharing.
>>> many run on sentences!!! (Please consult the Purdue Online Writing lab for a brief tutorial.)
--- No reference list? And no outside sources at all?